Amy and Finding Your Self in God
Finding Your Self in God
"There is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace and happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him." Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation, p. 36.
The above quote from 20th century Christian mystic Thomas Merton echoes a long tradition in Christianity of the interwovenness of self and God. When we find our true self - the self that we are each uniquely created to be - we find God, and in finding God we find our true self. St. Augustine prayed in the 4th century: "May I know You, may I know myself."
In the Gospel appointed for last Sunday, we hear Jesus say: "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." (Mark 8:34)
If your walk with God has been anything like mine, perhaps what you have heard in this passage is a command to commit to self-denial, self-sacrifice over and above self-knowledge, self-acceptance, self-compassion.
I know that there have been times in my life where I have fast-forwarded through self-knowledge to get to what I thought was the "real" Christian walk of self-denial, self-sacrifice. Paradoxically, I have found that at such times, I have lost myself. I have lost more than myself. I have lost my connection to God.
Each one of us is unrepeatable. We are each a unique expression of God's love made real, manifest, tangible on this earth. Each of us is beloved. Each hair on our head is counted among God's creation. (Luke 12:7)
In our Episcopal burial services, we celebrate the life of the one who has died. We celebrate all that that person has meant to family and friends, and we celebrate all that person means to God. We give thanks that they are now fully at peace and at home with God, known in all their individuality and specialness that we knew them on earth.
When we know our true self - not one of the many false selves that life and experience has us pretending to be - we know God. Spend some time this week reflecting on the above quotation from Thomas Merton. Ask God to illuminate your true self. What do you discover?
